Marriage is a significant decision, not only for the couple who will be tying the knot but also for their families and communities. In Nigeria, the process of getting married involves not just the couple but also their extended families. A tradition that has been embraced by the Muslim community in Nigeria is the involvement of elders in the marriage process, particularly in giving guidance and advice to the couple. This blog post explores the role of wisdom and guidance in the marriage process and how involving elders can lead to a successful and long-lasting marriage.
“Marriage isn’t a bed of roses.” You may have heard this phrase time and again, and it is true. Marriage is not a straightforward path. It is a journey full of ups and downs. And that is why, making the right decision when choosing a life partner is crucial. In Islam, obtaining guidance from elders is essential. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) directed Muslims to seek the counsel of their elders in making important decisions that will affect their lives significantly. By involving elders in the marriage process, the couple gains insights that will be necessary for the years that lie ahead. The elders’ wisdom will help navigate the complexities of married life and help the couple develop ways of dealing with disagreements.
Elders play an essential role in assessing the character of the potential bride or groom. They can identify red flags that may not be visible to the younger generation, such as hidden personal issues, behaviors, or attitudes that may be detrimental in a marriage. They can also guide the couple on how to handle these issues, work through them, or avoid them entirely. By involving elders in the marriage process, the family takes on an active role in ensuring their children’s happiness and wellbeing.
Elders can also share their experiences about the marriage institution, providing insights on the joys, expectations, challenges, and adjustments that come with married life. They can offer advice on how to handle certain situations, such as managing finances, building a strong and stable relationship, and how to resolve conflicts amicably. Thus, by tapping into their wisdom of years, couples can enrich and deepen their understandings and expectations of marriage that goes far beyond the wedding-day excitement.
The act of involving elders in the marriage process levies great responsibility on these wise men and women. They must understand and fully acknowledge their roles and duties. They must provide honest, trustworthy, and non-judgmental guidance to the couple. They should maintain a degree of unbiasedness, independently assess the character of each party, and provide sincere and genuine advice without any selfish motives. They should always remain open-minded, listen attentively, and coach the couple towards making a decision that reflects their values, ideals, beliefs, and interests.
Conclusion:
In conclusion, involving elders in the marriage process is an important aspect of the lives of many Nigerian Muslims. The elders’ role in offering insight and guidance, based on their life experiences, is significant in determining a couple’s future. They provide insights on marital expectations, ways to maintain a productive relationship, and methods to handle conflicts that arise. Therefore, as young people, we should learn to embrace the input of our elders and seek their counsel when making life-impacting decisions such as choosing a life partner. After all, two heads are better than one.
